Better

Ok. pup is home and doing much better. He was one day away from leaving his family. Wow. how fast everything can change. So tired now that Im a little more relazed. Waiting for the parent loan to be denied. I hope not but chances are it will. Then what..more stress, more stress. No wonder I have all this belly fat..too much cortisol from the stress in which I call my life. I'm finding when I want to relax I can't even do that. Lots to do in the next few days. Lots, but then leaving on Sunday to move #1 in and to go up to band camp with #3. #2 will stay at home. She's hoping to move bedrooms arounds and start to paint. We'll see on the paint when pay day comes. Still upset with mom and dad. I'm glad my sister and family are having a good vacation though. Whatever. The closeness I thought my mom and I had is growing smaller....meaning we are growing farther apart. I guess distance will do that along with a crazy mom and dad who can't suck it up. Well I like how I noticed again my title on top and here I am going on about other things. I want her to move the bedrooms and paint. I think it will be good for her and she so badly wants to do it. At least maybe they can prime. Even feeling bad, she will push herself to get it done. She will get her A1C checked next month. If that shows high along with her high insulin her doctor will treat her probably with metformin. Glucose is good. She refuses to admit her eating habits are terrible and thinks bad carbs are good for her because they make her feel good. I think mentally it does. All of us think that. She is not taking ownership of this horrible disease. I know its hard to make a lifestyle change in your diet. I'm battling the same thing right now, but at least I'm trying. Keep a food diary I say. No...too much work....excuses excuses.

Hmmmmph

I can still say Im sorry I have no replies to my posts. But if I was writing in a diary in a journal tucked under my mattress under lock and key, I wouldn't have anyone reading it and replying. This is no different.
My pup is at the doggy hospital. Worried sick about him and having mixed feelings about it. It's so expensive but I would do anything for him. He is getting better. Should I take him back tomorrow? I am due to leave on Sunday for a week. My daughter will be home with him and Joe. I want to go, but am anxious over being gone so far and having something pop up with his health. I wish I could have someone to tell me what to do.

Complaints all around. I used to do this. I used to do that. Not what can I do now? Please, please, don't let the cfs define who you are. Take control of IT and become the new version of your old self. Life before CFS and life after. I know it's difficult; I have been there too....buckle down and do it. The pity party is over.
Short and brief what is on my mind among 100 other things. Good we need more money and better credit....
L

Ok. I did it. I haven't spent this much time on the computer in......forever. I think. I'm actually on my daughter's laptop. Boy is this nice. I hate sitting in the computer chair at the computer desk. It's just not comfortable. Especially when the L5 is acting up.....
Alright. Time for that snack...I think.
L
I really thought I would have a post by now. Bummer

Back Again

Ok. This is overwhelming.....too much I can do with this blog. I only want to journal and journal only if I can get back her once I sign out. Wish me luck. The tummy is rumbling so I will look for a snack even though my appetite has not been the best. Lots going on I suppose and I am a big stresser. I don't really sweat the small stuff as much as I used too....but sometimes I do. I will worry until she comes home.
L

Hello

I did this on a whim. Today is August 5, 2011.My daughter who has CFS just left for a birthday party. She feels achy and tired. "Like poop stain" she likes to say. She will stay for a bit and come home like she usually does when she's having a bad day. She started experiencing symptoms in March 2009 and was officially diagnosed in December of 2009.  She is a senior in high school. Homebound her junior year.She barely acquired enough credits to become a senior but did. I now see I did not help her enough during the school year. She has given herself a goal: to graduate and receive her diploma. She (and I) will have to work very hard for that to happen especially being homebound.

She does not go to a support group and does not see a therapist right now. She has before. She thinks she is handling this terrible terrible  disease well. I do not and I am not. It has consumed her life and mine. I always tell my friend that CFS controls her and she has to control it. Sometimes I feel it's controling me. I guess I'm looking for someone who can understand me and this new way of life. I was diagnosed with breast cancer July 10, 2008.  Surgeries, chemo and radiation until March of 2009. Done, nada.........I just celebrated my three year anniversary.  I feel like I had a cake walk compared to what my daughter is going through.

So much thoughts and feelings I would love to put out there.....frustration especially. I will keep this first blog short though as I am already feeling overwhelmed with what I have just begun.

L